Friends or drugs? It’s a tough choice
Posted on June 15, 2006 - Filed Under Uncategorized
I will admit upfront that this is probably going to come across as simplistic but I think it bears saying nonetheless.
The other night, I saw a commercial from The Partnership for a Drug Free America and it got me to thinking. I began wondering about the appeal of drugs and why someone would experiment with them. In thinking back to my own teenage years, it all came down to peer pressure and my extreme desire to be accepted by my friends and chosen peer group. In my opinion, these are two very powerful forces in the lives of most young people. No one likes having people reject them as friends; that feeling is the emotional equivalent of a hot searing blade directed right at the center of our souls.
If a kid has never tried drugs and therefore doesn’t know about the associated high, perhaps the peer pressure/desire for acceptance is the principle reason he/she goes ahead and experiments. If the peer pressure could somehow be eliminated, maybe the number of kids who take that first step could be greatly reduced. But how can such a powerful force be eliminated?
I think in order to understand how that might be possible, it is first important to understand why it’s so powerful in the first place. Everyone wants to be accepted but not simply because they want friends for companionship. We need friends because having them tells us something about ourselves, something we all need to know: I am worthy of someone’s affection, love, and time. But other people should not be the exclusive source of this knowledge. Ideally, we obtain this knowledge from both internal and external sources. The sad case is, many children grow up with no reason to believe this about themselves and therefore, find they must obtain it strictly from those around them. If those friends are the type of people who will reject Sally if she doesn’t pop the pill or smoke the joint, she will probably see no alternative; for some kids, doing drugs and exposing themselves to all the risks inherent therein is a better choice than not having friends.
So, how do we get around it? I think it’s a crisis of self-confidence. We have to teach our kids to love themselves, have confidence in themselves, and know their worth is not based on whether one person or group accepts them or not. There are so many kids walking around today who don’t know who they are; how can we expect them to accept themselves and stand up to others who tell them they have to do something in order to be liked?
So, what’s the practical application of this? I think with regard to Maggie, we will certainly teach her that drugs exist, why people do them, and how dangerous they can be (both immediately and in the long term). Ignoring the problem, pretending it doesn’t exist, and thinking it’s never going to impact our child is the first step in setting ourselves up for a problem. Next, we will try to find that delicate balance between emphasizing that she should stay away from them and not doing so to the extent that we make her want to try them even more. Then, you get into all the stuff of watching for warning signs, etc., etc.
But before all of this, the very first thing we will do, indeed, that we are beginning to do even now, is try to inspire in her a sense of self-awareness, confidence, and assuredness. If she has all of these securely in place, theoretically she should have no problem resisting the temptation when she is faced with it.
Let’s all cross our fingers and hope it works.
Comments
3 Responses to “Friends or drugs? It’s a tough choice”
Leave a Reply
Thinking about my experiences as a friend and educator,I think so much has to do with parenting. The recent generations of children have been lacking coping skills. Parents are too quit to fix every problem with their children Blame the problem on someone else. Whaat happens? Children grow into their teen years with difficultes paents can not fix. Easy solution when things get tough, take something to take the pain away, after all drugs can do that even if mom or dad can`t.
cannot believe no comments! ring a bell
[…] I know, I have written about this topic previously, but I feel it is so important it bears repetition. […]