*”I don’t need no one to tell me about heaven/I look at my daughter, and I believe”
Posted on March 19, 2007 - Filed Under Uncategorized
*Heaven by Live. Live is, of course, Erin’s favorite band. I have been forced to go see them at least twice. Actually, when they rock out, they’re pretty good.
I think I turned a corner this morning; I fell in love with another girl.
Some people would have you believe good parents love their children right out of the gate, so to speak. The idea is that, because he/she is your child, you love them automatically. Of course, in some sense, that’s true. But I don’t think it’s true of that deep down, joy and sorrow, desperation and exultation, level; this only comes as time goes on and it develops for real inside of you. I don’t know how it evolves or why. What I do know is that you can’t force it. Some people go through extreme bouts of guilt because they worry they don’t have this feeling for their son/daughter, which only serves to inhibit its growth. I believe parents should allow this to happen organically, i.e. without any hurry or artificiality.
I was sitting at my computer at work this morning, getting revved up for the day. Random thoughts often come to me at times like this; this morning, those thoughts concerned Maggie. And as I thought these things, feelings welled up inside me which were powerfully intense and undenialble. Sure, her behavior is sometimes challenging to cope with and I wish she would just calm down and be a nice happy quiet little baby. But the bottom line is, that’s her, along with all the times when she is so cute and charming I think she’s the best thing the world’s ever seen.
Love isn’t what most people tell themselves it is. It isn’t some gooey feeling you have for someone when things are going well and there are no problems. Love is work; love is pain. Love is the body of actions you take when things aren’t going very well. Having love for someone means you decide to adapt to their presence in your life instead of continuing to be the same person you’ve always been. Love is the opposiate of laziness, something that has been especially hard for me to accept. Most of the time, if one acts lovingly (according to these criteria) toward someone, the feelings come, as they have for me. And I feel incredibly good about how they have naturally developed in me.
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the best gifts that i have is my two children and now i have a bonous in being a grandma i love maggie so much i agree with what you say but it is worth it alli am proud of you and love you with all my heart