“Yeah, just be yourself/It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else”* OR Saturday night, the rest
Posted on September 18, 2006 - Filed Under Uncategorized
*The Middle by Jimmy Eats World. This is a really cool song. I think it speaks a boatload of truth.Â
So, there I was, doing my laundry and minding my own business. I left my room to check on my clothes and ran into five folks from my class hanging out with my neighbor. They were preparing to go out and were successful in talking me into going with them. We ended up at a place called Woodmere Tavern (this place is so lame they appear to not even have a website). According to another guy we met up with there, it’s ‘the only place’ to go in Montgomery. By that, he meant that it’s the only place to go that’s close to being cool. Well, my standards of cool with regard to bars is vastly different from that of most other people. I don’t think this makes my standard better; in fact, as I’ll mention later, it makes me the weird one.
When we arrived, the place seemed fairly normal: some people dancing, some sitting at tables, all consuming adult beverages. The women with us headed immediately to the dance floor, while us guys found a table and ordered a pitcher. It was about 10:30, so the place was loud and decently crowded. One thing I should mention here is that everyone else in the group already had an established rapport by virtue of being in the same mini-class together. Therefore, from the get-go, I found myself a little on the outside. It only got worse.
I’m a pretty serious person. I accept that about myself. Nonetheless, most people who meet me for the first time seem to have a little trouble with it. I think they don’t know what to do with or say to me. And when I am in this kind of situation, I am always the quiet guy who doesn’t really talk; everyone else is talking amongst themselves, yelling, making jokes, and generally having a good time. Well, that’s just not me; in fact, if I were to act that way, the people who know me well would give me the same quizzical looks Catholics would give the Pope if he was in the middle of sacrificing a goat. It is completely and utterly contrary to my personality.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped drinking (not that I had had a lot anyway, maybe two or three beers). Later, when one of the guys asked me why I wasn’t drinking, I told him that I was planning on driving everyone home (we drove a 12 person van there).
One of the things that made the night especially bad was the fact that we had just learned about introversion and extraversion via the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator the day before. As part of the lesson on interpreting the test results, the instructor went over the differences between E (extraverts) and I (introverts) types. She included a segment about how important it is in a team setting for people of different types to attempt to balance each other out. Fine idea, right? Well, not really in the case of E and I. It seems to be a societal doctrine that introverted people need to be brought out of their shell, like someone who needs an intervention or something. When did we decide this? Just because I’m not as outgoing as the average person, does that make me someone who needs help? I don’t really think so. Anyone who knows me now (and certainly anyone who knew me in college) can attest to the fact that I like to have a good time. The problem with me is how I define a good time. I really like going out with a group of two to six people to a pub type place, sitting around having good conversation and drinking good beer. I REALLY like doing that. But for most people, I guess that’s not exciting enough. I think I am a lot older mentally than I am physically; I always have been. I don’t know why, I just am. Anyway, it seemed like everyone thought I was in need of ‘help’ because they tried and tried to bring me out of my shell. But the only acceptable way for me to act was to be just like them. I would try to engage them in conversation and about ten seconds later, they got bored and turned back to whoppin’ and hollarin’ with everyone else.
I sat there for most of the time feeling really bad for myself, moaning on the inside about who I am and why I am that way. I had a sort of epiphany during this self-pitying: You know in the movies when the scientists get together and they’re having a good time sitting around talking about their work, etc.? I am not equating myself with that type of person (I kind of wish I was like that, a true intellectual rather than some kind of wanna-be) but I think it’s a pretty good analogy. I especially remember the days when Erin’s SAHE buddies would allow me to tag along to the Coney. I had such a good time sitting around talking to them.
The other big thought I had for the evening, speaking of Erin, was how incredibly lucky and grateful I am that she saw something in me and gave me a chance. There I would be, sitting on that bouncer’s stool at the Coney, checking IDs and she doing the hostess thing. I always had this really serious look, my normal facial expression, on my face. For some reason, though, she was not scared away by that and came up to me one night and just started talking. That was the beginning of our life together. It’s an amazingly good feeling to be truly and deeply loved by someone.
I finally got to bed about 3:30am Sunday morning. As bad as I had been feeling for myself the night before, I was surprised to find when I woke up that it all seemed like a distant memory.
I am a very serious person and would probably do well to lighten up a little. I am a loner, not liking to accept help from people and becoming very annoyed quite easily with many people. Does all this make me a bad person? Obviously not; it’s not the same as being an ax murderer. Does it make me lonely and somewhat of a killjoy at times? Yes, I regretfully admit. Am I dysfunctional because of these things? No, definitely not. Would I be someone else if I could or alter significant portions of my personality as it relates to social interactions? I am not above saying…probably. Am I going to launch an all-out effort to change who I am? The above song lyrics are my answer to that.
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3 Responses to ““Yeah, just be yourself/It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else”* OR Saturday night, the rest”
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alright jason… i always knew that we were a little bit different but i cant quite believe that we can be alike sometimes.. like being quiet in new situations… i now know that its normal… anyway enjoy montgomery!
It was the bald head that made me interested in you! You have no one else to thank except Ed Kowalczyk for our love!
Erin–
Well, I guess if I do go completely bald as age takes hold, I will still have your love. Good to know.
Jessica–
You know what they say: Even after years and years of marriage, spouses still discover new things about one another all the time. How much more then will siblings? As far as enjoying Mont., I’ve been here long enough to know that is not going to happen. Yes, it may be partially due to my choosing but I assure you, I don’t think there is much to enjoy about this place.